Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just saw a hot homeless man
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
