my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
