Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
