Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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