He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
what day is it and did you see me today?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
