honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
