you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
