This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize