Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
