Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
