I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
