I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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