I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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