i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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