i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
