Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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