How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Randomize
