My hand turned me down
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
