I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
