someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I am naked and annoyed.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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