how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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