I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
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I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
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Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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