So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
