I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
