none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
