So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
