Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
