Well douche your snatch and let's go!
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
