his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
