dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize