theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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