It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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