Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
