I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
