Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
