I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
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I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
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I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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