You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
