I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
