smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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