My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
