I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
