I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
