My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
