i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
