I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Terrible idea I love it
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
