i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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