I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
