Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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