Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
