I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
