I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
