i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
