hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
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