he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
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I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
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Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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