hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
