Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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