i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
